Letting Go of Silly Stones

  Letting go. Musicians sing about it (including myself), books are written on it, classes teach it, sermons preach it. When it comes down to living it out, we tend to plant our feet on the ground and say "NO, I can't do it, it's not fair, I don't' want to, why?!?," etc. We are stubborn. We think we have to hold onto what's "ours." We are selfish. We are scared.

 One example of this in my life is when I had to learn to let a person go who I truly loved, twice. It's interesting how you can build relationships with different people in your life and care about them, but they may come and go without it really affecting you. You move on, you build again. It's the true love, thick and thin, "I never want to live without you" kind of relationships that leave our heart vulnerable to growing in faith and obedience.

  I've spent many years trying to understand this "letting go" topic. I've had to let go of my very dear friend who passed away from cancer. I've had to let go of the idea that somebody owed me an apology. I've had to let go of friendships that weren't building me up, but it seemed like anytime the Lord would prompt me to let this one particular relationship go, I would "try" for a few days when really I would just look for a "sign" that God changed His mind and was just testing me. I have countless journal entries saying "Ok God, this is it, take it all!" Only to write an entry a week later saying "The Lord works in such mysterious ways, I saw so and so again today and it was magical. :) :) :)" So, after years of this back and forth cycle, a decision was basically made for me. Bam, he's found a new girl. I laid on my floor and wept. I said "Abba, even if this ends in him marrying her, it's in Your hands" as I dramatically threw away all the love letters, wildflowers, and pictures I had been keeping in my closet. That was that, or so I thought. A year goes by with no communication. Then, the newly single guy comes back in my life. Oh joy! I was giddy all over again. I had "laid my Issac down" and the Lord had given him back to me. He liked me again, my heart was happy. Then it happened again a few months later. Same story. Same wound. Only the second time around hit even harder. I wept harder. I questioned God harder. Then I began to pray harder. I had to decide that I wanted God more than I wanted this person. If it was hurting my heart more to not be with this person than to not spend time being with Abba, I needed to let it go. He needed to remind me who my first Love was, and that He would always come to have first place. What I hadn't realized the first time around is that I let go of this person from my mind, but I hadn't let go from my heart.

  I remember throwing a stone off a bridge into a river on a church retreat a few years ago. It symbolized something I needed to surrender to God. The thing about letting go, is that it's your choice, and it's a permanent one. I had to pick up the stone and physically throw it, requiring an unforced action that only I could muster. I could have searched and searched, and I would have never recovered that same stone again. It was gone. We may never have a particular relationship again, or perhaps God does restore it in the future, but it won't be the same relationship. It may not even be a relationship for you, it may be a bad habit or hobby that's becoming an idol or a feeling. Whatever your stone is, once it's in His hands, it's there to stay, and the only thing He will give back to you is the provision of new blessings.

Abraham had a stone of his own, which involved offering up his son, Issac, as a sacrifice (Genesis 22:1-19.)

Basically, God wanted to test Abraham's obedience and fear of Him. Abraham responded to God with his full attention and availability saying, "Here I am." He asks him to take his only son up on a mountain to be a burnt offering. What intrigues me about this is that the Bible doesn't even tell us that Abraham said anything back to God after He asked. All we know next is that he took action. Maybe he did weep, maybe he had a million questions in his head. He was human. However, whatever he did/thought/said from that moment he heard God's voice to that next morning wasn't relevant enough to shake his faith. It didn't keep him from obeying God. Along the way, Issac was even like, "Uhh dad..we have all this stuff to make the sacrifice but where's the lamb for the offering?" Abraham simply replied in confidence that the Lord would provide. Abraham hadn't heard God say he had a ram waiting for him in the thicket in reality, he just knew that the provision was going to be there regardless of who/what it was.

  Knowing who God was and loving Him more than any living thing was sufficient enough for Abraham to obey him to the point of killing his own son. His only son, whom he loved. I feel like God spoke this not only here, but again with His own son, Jesus, because He wants us to understand that He's already been there. He carried the ultimate burden and pain of having to let the love of His life go. Yet when He did this, it changed eternity. Nothing about our relationship with God looked the same after Jesus' death. We went from spending an eternity being miserable and dead separated from God to receiving the ultimate blessing of life and getting to spend an intimate eternity with the very Maker and Lover of our Soul. Abraham went from having one son to descendants that outnumbered the stars in the sky and grains of sand on the shore. Quite the upgrade I must say. We just don't know what God has waiting for us, and if we did, we'd throw that stone as hard as we could in a heartbeat to receive it. Had God been a pouty, stubborn, selfish bottom like many of us and said, "No, I wanna keep Jesus to myself, He's MY son" think of how differently our lives would be. I don't even want to. This is where I just have to say thank you God for being You.

I can't tell you a formula on how to let someone/something go. It looks different for everybody because it's dealing with the heart, which is a whole world of uniqueness. It's hearing God's day to day beckoning that requires our individual obedience. I will leave you with some key nuggets I think are universal in the journey, and I pray you allow Him to search your heart and reveal what stones your holding onto that God is just waiting to replace with new, fresh blessings that make them look like just what they are, silly.

• Be open and available to hear His voice
• Questions aren't blessin's, just trust
• Delayed obedience is disobedience 
• Keep worship at the center of what you do
• Respond to any outside questions/doubt with God's Word
• Look for and trust in God's provision, it's there
• Be blessed in your obedience 

Isaiah 43:18-19
 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Give Me Dove's Eyes

I don’t wanna talk about you

like you’re not in the room

I wanna look right at you

I wanna sing right to you

…

Give me dove’s eyes

Give me undistracted devotion

For only you

Dove’s eyes – Misty Edwards

  It was a little over a month ago that I was worshipping the Lord in church. The speaker had us take some time just to let Abba tell us who we are and what He likes about us. I remember hearing "Your eyes are like doves." I thought it was a really odd thing to hear, since I was probably expecting something like "I like your smile" or "I love when you sing to me." I didn't think too much about it until a week later I found out what God was really saying. 

I opened my Bible one day to read,  “Behold, you are fair, My love! behold, you are fair!  You have dove's eyes.”  Song of Solomon 1:15. 

  Dove's eyes! Ahh, I remember hearing this myself. This is such an intriguing phrase. To dive deeper into understanding what this means, I first wanted to literally look at the design of a dove's eye. 

  Doves are known to have impeccable eyesight. They actually have some of the best vision in all of the animal kingdom. Vision is their most important sense for survival. However, a dove's eyes are set to where they can only focus on one thing at one time. Usually this focus is for a mate. When you observe two doves who have found each other, they do everything as if they were made to move as one. Their eyes are constantly fixed on one another. 

What's interesting about the human eye design, is that we have peripheral vision. Our brain actually creates the illusion of a greater visual span by automatically and unconsciously moving our center of vision into any area of interest in our field of view. 

  We live in a world full of distractions, and He is fully aware. I'm not gonna pull a holy card on this one, it's just flat out hard to give Abba the undivided devotion He is worthy of sometimes. It's something we have to daily fight to do and be intentional about. Our flesh looks at the things around us, such as money, popularity, illegal substances, inappropriate relationships, etc. and stirs up a lie that it's okay to "look" at those things too, we can handle it. There are so many things that may look interesting, but one glance at them can easily turn into a gaze, and all of a sudden your back is facing your True Love. There's an illusion that our focus is able to extend further than it actually does. If I'm looking at more t.v shows, magazine articles, social media, etc than at God's Word, how does He have my full attention? I know it's extreme to say cut all those things out of your life. I wouldn't say that, but I would say that there is a way to acknowledge God in everything. Now this isn't me saying, it's cool to read articles like "How to Make Your Man Want You" and try to apply moralistic principles to it. That's just silly. Use discernment about what you allow your eyes to behold. The bible gives WAY better counsel than any of that junk anyway. 

  So why is having "dove's eyes" versus "beautiful eyes" chosen as a compliment between lovers? There is simply nothing more beautiful than undivided devotion to God. We were made to desire supernatural eyes that we might dwell on the beauty of Abba. We were made to delight in Him as He delights in us. We were made to watch Him as He watches us. Those who LOOK to Him for help will be radiant with joy (Psalm 34:5.) I lift my EYES to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord! The Maker of heaven and earth! (Psalm 121:1-2.) If your EYE is healthy, your whole body will be full of light (Matt. 6:22.) We sing out for God to open the EYES of our heart. Why? Our spiritual survival is dependent on this sole focus, just as a dove is dependent on their vision in order to physically survive. 

  What's especially beautiful about a dove, is that that it symbolizes the Holy Spirit. Matthew 3:16 says, "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him." Luke 3:22 says, " and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” 

  When God gazes into the eyes of His Children, He sees His Spirit. How magnificant is that? It's literally like He is looking into a mirror. We ravish His heart with just one glance of our eye (Songs 4:9.) He is moved by the beauty and purity of the Spirit He sees in us. What a powerful gift we have inside of us! Nothing else can move God's heart in this way.  

So I encourage those who read this to pray protection over your precious eyes, that you might see beyond the distractions of this temporary place, and see Abba's face and your true home He looks forward to welcoming you to. May we desire to dwell in His house, to trust His lead, and to align our hearts as one with His. Give us dove's eyes! 

P.S What's funny is I took an online "bird personality" quiz just for fun. Guess what I was? Yep, a dove :) 

Free to Follow

  This post will be shorter, but I wanted to speak on something that really disturbed me this morning. I lead a Sunday school class every week where we have different volunteers come in. We always exchange background information, such as where we are from and what we do. I shared with this woman today that I graduated with a Marketing degree. She asked if it was hard for me to find a job, and I told her I was pursuing music so the degree was just to educate me on how business is run. As I began to ask questions about her, she mentioned how her daughter was actually currently studying marketing. I expressed an "Oh that's wonderful" kind of comment, but could instantly see a frown in her face. She went on to say how she tried to convince her daughter to go into the medical field, but her daughter was against the idea, knowing it wasn't for her. She talked about the significant pay cut that her daughter would face and how she didn't know if she would be able to downgrade from her "True Religion" buying habits. She asked her daughter why she would go from one level of a lifestyle to a much lower one. It kept breaking my heart for her daughter the more this woman spoke. I felt the disappointment in every word. I sensed the loss of security she felt in her daughter's decision. Before she left, she wished me luck in my endeavors and I expressed the same wishes for her daughter. She said something like "Yeah, well she will probably need it" as she walked away. Now, I'm sure she has done her absolute best at parenting. I'm not a parent myself, and I know I'll make plenty of my own mistakes if God allows me to become one. I don't want to talk down about her, but I want to bring to light what some parents aren't seeing. 
  I praise my Father for giving me parents who supported anything I ever wanted to do with my life and didn't try to influence me in a specific direction. They truly let God be the one to direct my steps, versus the pursuit of money. My, how my heart is heavy for anyone who did not have parents who did this though. It aches for anyone who was more afraid of disappointing their parents, rather than being determined to not miss God's true call for their lives.  In one moment with that woman, I could feel a sample of the weight of what you've carried. I urge you, give that burden to God. If this sounds familiar to your life at all, let God's voice speak louder than your parents. As great as they may be, your heavenly Father will always be greater and His ways will always be higher. I believe the heart behind what stirred me is found in:


^{Deuteronomy 6: 4} Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.⁵ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
¹⁰ When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, ¹¹ houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig,and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, ¹² be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.¹³ Fear the Lord your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. ¹⁴ Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you

  My first desire as a (hopeful) parent is to teach my children how to love the Lord with everything in them. Everything else overflows out of that love. What I love about this passage is that Jehovah-Jireh (the Lord our Provider) promised a land where He literally took care of everything. There was nothing left to want. This isn't giving us a right to say, "Ok, I'll just sit back and let God take care of it all." Part of loving God with everything is obeying His commands. Laziness ain't a fruit of the Spirit folks! This just shows us that He will take care of us as we go. It's promised. It's done. No questions. We are free to follow Him! Hallelujah! But hey, while we are being provided for, we can't allow society to influence who we serve. We can't serve the "god" of money, security, fame, etc. We must acknowledge Him in everything because He gave everything, and He's too good not to be willing to give it all back for. Thank you to all the parents who have taught this principle to their children. We need your world changers! 

And I only thought this was going to be a short post... ;) 

If Faith Can Move a Mountain

  I heard a song on my way home tonight that immediately had me in tears. I know when something like this moves me, it's God wanting to take me deeper into what truth it is that is stirring up my heart. I believe He is wanting me to just talk about the topic of growing in faith. 
  Faith is like that first step in becoming a Christian, as a lot of us learned growing up. Without faith it is impossible to please God. I remember thinking "Well of course I want to please God, I better learn more about this faith thing." I would read books that touched the subject, listen to sermons on faith, etc. I always thought I had enough faith that I believed in Jesus so I was good, but even demons believe. What I have more recently been desiring is the faith that can tell a mountain to move and see it be done. 

 Testimony time! 

  As a kid, I would randomly get sick in the middle of the night. This had happened as long as I can remember. I would either shake badly, feel nauseated, or actually vomit. I used to think it was certain foods I ate, but it was hard to find a pattern. Doctors couldn't give me answers. I finally gave up and just accepted that "this is just something I have to live with." There was unnecessary anxiety that always seemed to grip me when these spells would come on. For example, I was thirteen when I would feel overwhelmed with the thought of going to college or moving away from home. It literally hit me out of nowhere. After sleeping off the sickness, I was perfectly fine the next day. It wasn't until a few months ago that I was getting sick almost twice a week that I realized I was under attack. I asked my cell group to pray over this. I also began praying fervently and believing for my healing. This had been a mountain that I have faced pretty much my entire life. I can now say that it has been 3 full months since I've been sick, thank you God!! I am continually believing that He has already moved this mountain and it will never have a hold on my life and health.

  This is just one testimony of many where I chose to say, "God, you are able" in a situation that presented itself as a mountain. Now, there are also many times where I took things in my own hands and failed miserably. I had to learn to speak the Word of God and believe it is alive enough to saturate my situation. You will never hear of a situation where I stepped out on the water when He asked and sunk. It won't happen. His faithfulness will always come to embrace our trust. Here's how crazy good He is though, even when our trust is basically non-existent, He still chooses to demonstrate His faithfulness. We have such a good Daddy! 
  God is the author and perfecter of our faith. Even that blows my mind. He scripts the very mountains that come up in our life and He sees the ways in which they can deepen our faith when WE choose to speak for them to move. The mountain can be anything...emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, relational, etc. I have at least one testimony for every area, and there will be more to come. I personally desire the faith that is not only enough for my life, but enough for my family and friends. Where doubt can be easily recognized and defeated. Where fear is cast as far as the east is from the west, because God did not leave it as an inheritance for His children. When I can even begin to grasp the fact that our days are numbered, it makes me so much more headstrong to let faith prevail. There's simply no time for fear!  
  I pray for anyone reading this that God you live your life in a way that you experience this very verse: 
Philippians 4:^11 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

The beauty of this verse are the words "through Him." There are very dark hours in our lives. There are heartaches that are beyond words. There are situations that appear impossible. It can be hard to believe anything when we rely on what we are feeling in these moments. There's a reason He tells us our heart is deceitful and to not rely on our own understanding. All I have ever found to be worth clinging to in those times are His promises. He won't ignore us when we call out to Him. He will never leave nor abandon us, even if we feel abandoned because the enemy will try to tell us that we are. God is a God of His word. He equips us with a strength beyond any we could muster up. In every season, He is God. He is worthy of our trust. There is no safer place to leave it than in His hands. May fear never cause us to resist where He is calling us. 


Here's the awesome song :) 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Red, White, and New

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" Matthew 5:8

  Purity: The dictionary would define it as "the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence." Now I know there are some of you who may shrink down in your seat at the word and think, "nope, that definitely doesn't describe me." Well hey big fat lie telling anyone that, it's time for you to get stomped on! 

  There was a time when I viewed purity through eyes of pride. I thought I was "above" anything that could taint it. In fact, I would judge anyone who had devalued it. My how the Lord loves to humble us! I won't go into details of the ways in which I let sin gain a foothold in my life, or gave satan an upper hand in bringing shame to my mind, because it simply comes down to the fact that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It wasn't until I knew who I actually was in Christ, and how much the enemy hated me finding that out, that I knew there was something deeper going on here. 

  

  There are a lot of things in this world that can contaminate purity. Since I know what floods our society today, I'll focus on that as an example. A lot of us have dealt with a spirit of lust that can lead to masturbation, pornography addiction, divorce, premarital sex, etc (in the very least, even looking at a person in lust is like committing adultery in your heart...this stuff is serious). This may seem a little blunt, but it's the REALITY of the enemy that is in our land, and we need to know what's at stake. We have heard the lies that creep in telling us we are "dirty," "unloved," "unwanted," etc. He uses the same old junk against all of us. It has to stir up enough anger at the enemy in us that we wage warfare! 

  The unbelievable, mind-blowing, ridiculously good news is that we have already received the victory at the cross! Jesus left his home (which, think about it ya'll...most of us have a hard enough time moving across the country, let alone leaving HEAVEN to come to earth..shew) so that we could stand in the face of the enemy and boldly claim that we "overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves us." God has raised us up with Christ to where every other dominion, power, and authority must bow at the name of Jesus. You better believe there is freedom in renouncing the areas of attack you may be under. When Jesus said, "it is finished," that meant everything. That doesn't mean there won't ever be temptation, it just means satan's gotta get on outta here! 

  Praise God for victory! Now, what's left of a heart that's been deeply wounded? If there is anything I've learned about purity, it's that it's a gift. How do I know? The bible tells me so (yay for Sunday school answers!) For real, I want us to truly understand what is wrapped in this gift. 

The Greek meaning of the word "pure" is: 

kaqaroß (katharos)   

clean, pure

1. physically
   1. purified by fire
   2. in a similitude, like a vine cleansed by pruning and so fitted to bear fruit
2. in a levitical sense
   1. clean, the use of which is not forbidden, imparts no uncleanness
3. ethically
1. free from corrupt desire, from sin and guilt
2. free from every admixture of what is false, sincere genuine
3. blameless, innocent
4. unstained with the guilt of anything

  Now, let's look at David. Here is a man who had fallen flat on his face after committing adultry with Bathsheba, and yet, he is known to this day as a "man after God's own heart." What was so special about David's heart is that God restored it to purity. 

In a true moment of repentance, he cried out to God....

Psalm 51

7 Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

(Hyssop was used under Old Testament law for two rituals of purification. It was part of the purification of one healed of leprosy, and of those who had contact with a dead body. David's sin was a deadly disease that could be cured by His Healer.) 8 Make me to hear joy and gladness, Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.9 Hide Your face from my sins And blot out all my iniquities.10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.11 Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.

I love the fact that David knew how sweet the presence of God was, and he was willing to do anything God asked just to remain in it. When we sin, most of us are afraid to face God, and we feel like we need to cover it up and ignore it. We forget that He has seen our motives and every detail all along. It's not like David didn't share this commonality. However, David knew he could face a giant because he trusted his Father, so surely he could face his Father and believe He could cast this current "giant" into a sea of forgetfulness. Our Creator not only forgot David's sin and allowed him to remain in a place of authority, but He also breathed life into a new heart for David that was still able to SEE God. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God, right? In all of the Father's mercy and grace, He joyfully embraced his son, sat him on his lap, and handed him the treasured gift he so desired. 

 God invited me to sit down in a garden one day. He pointed out two flowers to me. First I saw a red one, then next to it I noticed a white one. He sweetly said, "Beloved, you are not the red flower, for that is My crimson blood that has covered your sin. You are the white flower, for I have washed you whiter than snow." I believe He says this to all His children, since "there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." There is a crimson robe we once wore, but our Daddy says, "Come my child, let me dress you in your true garments," which burst forth a radiant white, clean, light too bright for human eyes to look upon. It's waiting for you. 

I pray now that you see yourself exactly the way your Daddy does .